So I should have done things little better. I know this, and I wish I could fix what happened but I don't think I can. Maybe I should be fine with what I have now, I'm not sure. I think too much, and analyze things too deeply. B/c I want to understand, I want to know why. I want to make it better for the next time. Could my past be the cause of how I think, or is it b/c I'm tired right now. Who knows!!! hahah (it's going to be a long me, me, me blog...oh how I truly hate it hahaha) I'm not happy right now, b/c I know it could be better....if only I had wanted to discuss the issue earlier, then maybe I or we wouldn't be having this problem/kerfuffle. It may not be my fault, but it sure does feel it. In class the number one thing that people must learn to do is "learn from their mistakes and move on," so it's my goal to be better and learn from this most interesting situation. No I'm not happy about it, but since when has life been a cake walk. :) Not at all, unless I'm mistaken.
I feel the problem was the role change. From a set, comfortable role, to one that, maybe, we weren't quite ready for. It's just amazing though how the little things can change. Frustrating, confusing and interest just fill my mind. I have no idea why. But also I'm filled with happiness, gratitude, thankful, and maybe a little more understanding. Life is a beautiful thing that many of us don't understand....I know I don't!!! Love, too, is something that is elusive. :) You can have many different types of love, and each one has it's special purpose, I'm not going to go into each of them, but do know that not all love is is the same. I don't know how to explain it, but even though things aren't going too well, i still have this sense of care. We haven't talked, or hung out really, but we've said hi, watched a movie with some friends. I'm waiting for her to give some sign that says, something along the line of , "it's ok to talk to me." Space is a good thing, b/c it allows us to see where our hearts lay, what's important, and maybe even catch up on some work that needs to be done. An even better thought is , what if I got it all wrong, maybe I don't know anything, that's the way life goes I guess, we feel like we understand when we don't really ..... but still, thank you so far, it's means the world to me, b/c I love learning and growing. I'm a nerd!!! hahaha
So maybe this isn't a vent that I thought it would be, it's a good one. I'm pleased with life, it's freaking hard, tiring, confusing, and tring. And also....I jsut have a bunch of positive stuff to say that I don't wnat to right now...so I'm done. But I just have to keep reminding myself that I can't quit. I hating quiting and/or failing....failing is for another day though. If you've read this, have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening and take care. Thanks :)
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