Effort, work, patience, smile.....

Its hard to act towards something when you feel like the answer, you're hoping won't come, is looking you right in the face. But it might be important enough that you still go ahead and act. Maybe what you want to say or do, is what they are hoping for, or maybe you didn't get the answer at all. Life.... Oh life, and it's infinite challenges. I know that it won't ever be easy, but I sure do wish it would sometimes. We have to worry about so much stuff from how we act around people, be careful not to offend the wrong people and maybe even how well we talk to people. It's the most frustrating thing to think about. i'm not happy at all with the eggshells that some people have to walk.

The most confusing thing that I never understood until last night was how to give all you can, abut also take time for yourself. I know it's important to pray and ask for help. Patience is something that I need to work on. Not everything will come to me just because I want it to. I have to work for it, and maybe, sometimes, the harder I worked for it, the better the out come....but now all the time. Take time for myself to "energize" myself, b/c if I'm tired, I can't do what I want to do with my whole heart and strength.

But the final thing is that someone is tired, not matter how the day ends. We are tired, but so much is asked of us, and me must still continue on with a smile. Why? Why must we smile, what's the reason/purpose to it? I don't know, but for me, smiling is something that I can do. I'm alive, able to write this blog. After a hard day, all I can do is smile, b/c the day is ending, that hard part was over, and I can move on. Many people can't move on, some wouldn't want to move on. Don't neglect what you went through, but don't let it just sit there like an old pair of shoes, b/c that day is useful the next.......want to know what's confusing. Sometimes we must not forget what happened, and tomorrow work even harder to get it done. Talk to that person, achieve what is asked of you, and when it's done, pick your head up and smile at the person. It might mean the world to them. :)


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A Devotion....

I did my first devotion in my sport psychology class. I didn't like it b/c I don't like the idea of people seeing how I struggle. I'm game for being there for others, but I find it hard to let people know that I need them. Since day-one of this semester, it's been difficult. I can do the work, and function in class, but it's life now that's making my days difficult. I've been good at keeping my emotions from dominating my mind and what I'm doing, but so far, I've had to leave something so that I don't have to worry about bursting out.....I may have lost the control of my emotions that I had. Why has this happened? I shouldn't allow my emotions control, it's a response that originates in the brain, so I should be able to control them. But during my devotion, I was able be coherent but it was hard to not cry. I broke down, now this is highly discomforting, having to do a devotion to begin with, and then breaking-down.

I did a devotion on Psalms 88 and Romans 8:26-28. It's hard to live and to go through life with what we do. Sometimes I do feel that I'm alone, but I remember that Christ is there with me. Praying for me just as much if not more than I'm praying to him. The prof made the guys in the class huddle behind me and pray for my weakness and for my strength. It was highly comforting this time, to know that these people care enough to pray for someone who doesn't know them well enough.

I've found out what to tell a friend about how I feel and that I hope things go well for her. It's been a while, I've been trying to figure out what to say and how to say it....I has to be perfect!!! hahaha But i know now that I doesn't and it's quite simple. But for now, I need to go talk to someone that I trust, and release what I've been holding in. There is so much more to say and some much to express, but for now I'll end it on this..... It is difficult to smile at what life has dealt you, but find a way to smile, and learn from it. Find someone to express things to: ideas, thoughts, complaints, happiness, and crying. Be comfotable and don't fret, please don't fret. It'll be ok. :: smiles and hugs::

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Now playing: Johnny Cash - On The Evening Train
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Welcome...

Life is something that is wonderful and depressing at times. But being able to wake up each day and thanking the Lord for being able to wake up and function throughout the day. I'm not a huge religious person, as I would say some people are, compared to me. I believe in Christ, His teaches, the way of life we should leave, but I still question why he wants to do things that way. Actually I question a lot. I believe that questioning God about the things he does is important, as long as it's respectfully. I question why I have lived a life I have, why He wanted me to be the way I am, and why it's my life that is special...why am I special to Him?

I don't expect an answer to any questions, but I know that I'll find out soon...though soon is a relative term. Out of all my life's moments, my favorite is the feelings for someone right now. She's challenged me, from being a better student to being more confident. She doesn't know this, I'm not sure if she'll ever know. Hopefully I'll tell her soon, we should be getting together for some chill time. I really love those moments b/c I can talk to her with no influence from anyone. But the only thing I'm unconfident with is that I feel I don't have good topics to discuss. I can chat with my friends differently but it's hard to keep the conversation going. It's a goal of mine to be comfortable with her as I do with my friends, but still care for her, and some how let her know that I care for he deeply.

There are many things that I don't know but I wish I do/did. Knowing all of these things is impossible, so I have to be content with what I'm getting now, and learn to give back with what I've been allowed to have. I hope that someone else out there is struggling with me. And if so, don't be afraid to have help, to give help, or to be called upon. Life is something that is funny, thought provoking, and challenging. I hope someone else will see this too.