I haven't written a short while, so I thought I'd give it another go! Things are going well. I feel, internally, happier than I have in awhile. I kinda found something out today, and I'm only hoping it really is what I think it is. For me if my friends are happy then I am happy. It's something odd to think about, that if someone is upset it affects me and so I feel up set, but today they've been smiley. It's a hidden thing, b/c I'm sure they didn't know but it's noticeable. It's a peaceful feeling to know that as of now I have nothing to worry about or think about. I hope it'll last too.
For me I'm comfortable. I'm having to retake some tests to make a better grade. My mind is focused and working hard for this first one. It'll all be over soon, college is really going by quickly but it's taking a long time too. I worried about doing well, and getting a degree that I need. What am I going to do after school? Do I need to go get a job straight away? I just want a rest so I can just be irresponsible for a bit. But this is something that won't occur, I'm in control of something important, and too many people are around for me to go on cruise control. The most worry-sum thing to hear is that, "you affect anyone that you meet. From the first time you meet to the last one." Great so now i have to be on the ball all the time....though I do have weaknesses, and will mess up.
I don't know. I'm tired right now. I have one more year of college and I'm close to entering a world that I have not been prepared for all that much. Where am I going to live? What is my job? How much will i need for food, electricity, my cell phone bill, the gas needed to get anywhere.... The training wheels are almost gone and will be gone for probably the rest of my life. Then later on, I'm going to want to be with someone. How am I going to invest into her life? Am I ready for the big times? Probably. Nothing will ever really prepare us for this. Our parents talk about it, but we don't understand how it works, feels, or stresses us until we can engage it fully. Will I be able to handle it.
For now....I need to go to bed to get a grill, and enjoy my job and grill for 120 something people. I'm excited about that. Who will i meet...will I meet someone? Ok so that's retarded, for something like that to be said... Just never mind that. I'm just curious and need things planned, ready, and something prepared for what ever tomorrow holds. I miss my white board. I miss the coffee, the movie time. I need a walk, yeah that might help me to relax. HAHAHA!!!
After reading what I just wrote, this hit me. I need to make a call on Monday and see if I can get back in my schedule. It'll be good to get that routine back.
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