why do we need others.....

Right now I just feel like I'd be fine if I didn't rely on anyone. I don't want anyone to want me to be there for them. I don't want to care for anyone. I don't want to be the person that everyone loves to have help them. I don't want to care about school. I just wnat to be alone, whallo in something. I'm fearful.....

It's important to learn, grow, and take care of oneself. How do we go about doing this w/o the interceding of someone else? I'm not sure, but it's good to have some loving critics (some that aren't afraid to tell you the truth, but still love you and say it in a loving way). So does that mean that we have to be with people in order to grow holistically? Probably. We have to be @ school to learn, we learn better when we meet and greet people, and hear their stories.

Something that I'm trying to change is how i interact with others. I really do love being with people, but I don't show zeal when I talk or mannerism (I'm stoic or seem apathetic, probably). It's not a bad thing but it shows others that I'm not interested. I feel like I have to be allowed to show my feelings/emotions for topics, people or what ever. I've trained myself even at an early age not to say anything, "you don't speak unless spoken to, or answer a question unless it's asked to you"....the latter part I've been able to change a bit. So because of this I don't tell others how i feel about them....and this can form tensions on the inside. So I'm slowly learning and trying how it is to show how I feel towards others. The biggest fears about this is the unknowing reaction that can occur when I let others know how i feel. It's funny b/c I want to express it but I'm afraid to. How do you deal with that one? HAHAHA

We all live and learn. So what? Well as I had alluded to earlier we learn from out mistakes, errors that we had made. From there we either teach others from it and/or we take it and we think about it. "How has this changed me," "What can i learn from this," "Did I learn anything from this?" In the end, even if we don't notice a change, we did change. We are wiser, stronger, smarter, more aware of our actions and are able alter before it's too late, and even bigger we learn that love, relationships, and any for of interaction b/w two people takes time. It takes, in a sense, trial and error to end up with happiness, per se, with that person.

So what have I learn from this? I don’t know…. I have some many questions, so many issues with who I am, so many wants for myself, and so many emotions for other people. This tells me that I want to grow and that I need others to help me. So how do I go about with that…“Hey, how are you? How am I doing as a person, friend, leader, and Christian?”

By the way, this one blog took me a couple weeks to do and finish, so it’s definitely filled with thoughts (figuratively). I hope that I'll still rely on others to help me learn, grow, care, love, and to be the person I should be, need to be, and am being called/asked to be. It does take courage to live everyday. To over come what life throws at us, again, we need others to help us with this. Though I'm feeling kinda down right now. I'm so happy to have my friends.

~Student 4/2/08 2:36 AM



----------------
Now playing: Simon & Garfunkel - Mrs. Robinson
via FoxyTunes