Thing are going well so far. I couldn't have asked for better friends and those who are patient with my lack of presence compared to the way it used to be. I miss them terribly, but I feel that I need to be able do to these things that I'm doing. This truly does feel selfish but I'm going to do it. I'm growing, learning, opening up, and I really enjoy not having to fake anything. If I'm upset, I'm upset. If I'm so happy that I'm just busting out into dance and beat-boxing, then I do that too. I still care for my friends, far more than I do for anyone else, other than my parents. This is a key time for me, or so I feel it is, to find out who I am and how to best take care of who I am, and the others that I'm with.
But honestly, it does get hard to balance everything. I'm tired right now, b/c I've been up since 6:30am and I've been going non-stop. I was able to see everyone but one person, and I do believe that seeing everyone and getting to hear from everyone would have made the evening most amazing, maybe tomorrow. I was able to see my mother, after about 5-6yrs of avoiding her I decsided to go see her. It was quite fun, and I'm glad I could see my grandmother happy. Maybe b/c we were finally together. Mother, grandson, family, "new" son-in-law, and husband. For a small house it was quite packed!! We played rummy for 3 of the 5 hours I was there, and talked, enjoyed each other's company.
I wonder how I'm going to wind up as an adult, parent, person, and what ever it is that I decide to do. With how my grades are right now, I'll be here for a while......sad day. My mind right now is full of ideas, people, situations, emotions, and what I need to do to be a better person. I'm not feeling down, just full of thoughts. It's good to be here, b/c I know I'm not prefect, but I also shouldn't strive for perfection itself, but to be a better person than I am now. Confronting, being with, being beside, and loving my friends is something I'm struggling. I'm not sure how I handle this situation, and I'm hoping for some help. The biggest thing I need it patience is and it's something that I struggle with. B/c I want my friends to see how amazing life is, and it IS hard, but don't get down by it. LOL We all go through things differently, and it's important to know that. If we all acted the same, did the same, then we wouldn't be an individual in that sense (which is important)
I still have a lot of learning to do, and growing to do. I just hope soon....patience young one!!! lol. Ok I'm off to bed, I need some sleep, b/c I'm getting up early. Leave a comment, tell me what you're thinking, about this or just life in general. Night
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Now playing: Feist - 1234
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